Audio recording of the post included at the bottom :)
Hi There,
As a young leftist I have always struggled with structured religion. I grew up with a non-religious Jewish father and a non-religious Orthodox Christian mother, neither of which (thankfully) tried to force me to believe what they did. I have always felt free to think and feel as I wish. This was liberating, though has left me infinite paths to explore and be confused upon. Both my parents are also liberal and to my understanding, endured that same struggled with traditional religion that I did.
For me, I’ve always had this innate desire to feel like part of a community, a religious community could just do the job I thought. But to commit to any religion would be an utter falsehood. Not only to myself, convincing myself that I really believe what I’m saying I believe, but also to that religion which I would be committing. Part of me believes that I must have been a monk or a rabbi in my past life because even as a child, I have been magnetized to a spiritual life in a way that seems otherworldly. Much like my ethic cocktail, I am a cocktail of spiritual beliefs. I’ve picked and chose what sounded right and resonated with me and seem to have created my own little religion to which I am the only adherent.
For example, I definitely believe in a soul, but I also definitely do not conform to the Christian idea of the afterlife and see us more as a universal energy, to which we each are intrinsically connected, but also our own energy. I also believe in reincarnation. I have a strong alignment with the idea of manifestation, the law of attraction and intuitive spirituality. All that being said, I have no subscription to any set of moral or ethical beliefs other than that which I’ve learnt through just… living and experiencing things.
613 mitzvot? How on earth am I to life my life so cautiously? To try my hardest to be a good person? Now that’s something I can get down with. I was born with a nifty little intuitive sense whom I trust with all my might. She tells me that when I say make dinner for my family, call my grandma out of the blue or tell someone they look beautiful “You’ve done a great job! Here, have a warm feeling in your belly and a smile”. She also tells me that when I don’t stand up for someone being mistreated, lie about my availability on Saturday night or think about saying something mean to my friend “Hey girl, that’s not on! Queue the sinking feeling in your gut, insomnia, physical exhaustion and anxiety”. Is that not enough of a sign on how to live your life?
It’s hard to figure it all out on your own when you aren’t in a structured religion. Trust me, having a handbook on how to live your life sounds fabulous! And if you have found yours then congratulations, I really do envy you! But I’m only at the start of my journey. If I live to the age of 90, that would have been 788400 hours. 157680 of which I’ve already experienced at 18 years old and 630720 to go. That’s a lot of time for new learning. I’m certainly not daft enough to think I know it all already or that I have reached the pinnacle of my own spirituality and certainly am able to recognise gaps in my belief (some of which may never be filled). But reaching an accepting state where I have allowed myself to NOT be a sceptic about everything has been freeing!
For me, the one and only thing that I know is that I trust my gut. My intuition is ALWAYS right. So, when my gut tells me that manifestation is real, I’m going to trust her and go with it, knowing that it feels right. When she says that lying is bad, I’m going to agree. Making the active decision to not need concrete proof for everything your intuition tells you is good, bad, right or wrong opens up a world of possibilities! Maybe my gut tells me something different to what your gut tells you, but the beauty of life is that we each rule our own paths!
I know I might sound woo hoo, or like social isolation has really gotten to my head. But this process of breaking down unwanted beliefs, those like “magic isn’t real”, “you can’t have that, you’re not worthy” or “there is only one way to get to where you want to be” and instead just listening to what FEELS right opens up more door than you would have otherwise thought impossible. No one says to only use your heart and not your head, but if you’re not using your heart enough, you might just be a little too stuck in your head.
I really hope this made sense. Sometimes its hard to put my abstract thoughts into an understandable flow of sentences LOL.
Wonder amongst the stars…
All the love, Scar.
P.S I would highly recommend Kristen Jenner (Pursuit of Bliss), she really helped me think about a lot of this stuff !
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