The Attack Of The Change Monster

Hi There!

I am currently going through something that I call "the attack of the change monster". This is when it seems as if everything in your life is changing all in one go... and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. You are falling down the 'Alice in Wonderland' rabbit hole and you are confused, disoriented and it appears as if you took some hallucinogenics because shit is going crazy.

I can say for sure that that's how I feel right now. In the last three days alone, I've gotten over what I genuinely thought was the corona virus, landed in Sydney on the way back from my Fijian holiday, attended my university orientation day, started and new job at a law firm and then revisited my high school which only encouraged my brain to remember just how 'easy' it all used to be. Not for a second did I actually think that I would miss high school, and in the sense of being back in my school again I don't. But I do miss the routine. Waking up every morning, five days every week knowing where I was meant to be and where I had to be. I knew my responsibilities because I wasn't the one making them up.

link to image

Now, looking at next weeks google calendar schedule and seeing four university seminar's and my my new job filling my hours, it feels as if I am am a tiny little grain of sand residing on the largest beach in the world, only now realising that I know LITERALLY NOTHING and the days of comfort zones are far behind. It's time for me to put all those hard hours of calendar reorganisation to good use because I am finally making my own way in this world and the limit does not exist.

The way that I have been getting through what to some people may seem like the simple flow of life is using my downtime to do things that DO make me comfortable, and things that most importantly make me happy. No more guilt for binging 3 hours of 'RuPauls Drag Race' with a glass of sauvignon blanc and a bowl of pasta, I'm only doing what makes me feel relaxed. When each working day is pushing the your own boundaries in every intellectual, social and physical way, I believe that you have the freedom to do jack shit every hour you're not there if that's what you want.

That being said, other than Alyssa Edwards and Nina Flowers (my favourite Drag Queens to binge on RuPaul) that which is treating me most kindly are my daily wellbeing practices. These include journaling to make sure I am getting every little nervous thought out of my flooded brain and into my personal pensive in the form of a notebook, at least 10 minutes of meditation before bed every night, as many doggy kisses as my little one will give me and on average 7 pep-talks given to me, by me. Telling myself that I don't need to be afraid of everything, because usually when you're anxious about something, it isn't as bad in reality as it is in your head.

My personal mantra is "Much dumber people than me have gotten through this unscathed, there is no way that I won't be fine". Trust me, it works.

Remember... think colossally and let your brain wonder amongst the stars.
All the love x