I Worry... Like, a LOT

Hi There!

My name is Scarlett Kaplan and I am an un-ironic, unequivocal and entirely all-consuming worry wort. I know right now that every single baby boomer within a 70km radius is going
"mILeNnIaLs aRe ANxIoUs ABouT eVeRyThinG"
but seriously... I am anxious about everything.

I'm at the point in my life where I'm not exactly an adult and I'm definitely not a child. I am being forced to make MASSIVE and extremely influential decisions about the direction of my life and I'm expected to be calm and collected? what a load of bullshit!
I hate to break it to you adults, but it's actually very stressful. It might not be as stressful as being behind on your mortgage repayments, forgetting to take your birth control pills or realizing the person you just married has a crazy ex who keeps requesting you on Facebook. But to us, that's exactly what it feels like.

Look, I am entirely aware that stressing about issues out of my control is pointless. That sitting down for my hour-long existential crisis scheduled daily is merely hindering my productivity. It is useless anxiety. But the perpetual fear of my future is too much for my tiny little mushy head-sponge to contain.
I sometimes wish I had a 'pensieve' like Dumbledore in Harry Potter so i could simply cast away my thoughts before bed. This way I wouldn't wake up fifteen times between one and two AM with the same dream of UAC themed alien-rhinos eating my face and threatening to take 20 points off my ATAR.

For some people, you feel this way about your friends, your boyfriends or girlfriends, maybe family issues or money problems. For me though, it is the impending doom of the HSC and getting into university that seems to swamp my mind.
I call this 'perfectionist paralysis'. Meaning that I am so scared of not doing well, or performing perfectly that I am virtually crippled and stupefied by the thought, meaning I don't do anything at all.

As an intuitive and mindful person, I've realised that living my life like this is unacceptable, exhausting and tedious. So here are a list of things that I have implemented just recently with the aim to reducing this stress induced paralysis:

• Daily meditation (5 mins in the morning and 10 mins before bed)
• Outlets aka. journaling, writing and exercise (meaning I just walk my dog everyday)
• Discipline- this sounds dumb, but I try to schedule time for myself to think about the reality of these issues. For example, on the bus. So if I'm in math class and thinking about not getting into uni because my marks are too low, I tell myself that I'm allowed to worry in 2 hours, but for now I need to focus. 
• The practice of ACCEPTANCE. Trying to realise that if its out of your control, its out of your control. 

Yes, I'm still going mad and my heart still drops every time I think about what my life will be like in two months. But this has helped, and I'm hoping that it will continue to do so.
So until next time...


Remember... think colossally and let your brain wonder among the stars
All the love x

The Fiftieth Gate | Speedy Book Thoughts

"Jews do not remember with flowers; their petals wither on a grave as if the corpse is a temporal thing ... Jews remember with stones; impenetrable, mysterious, eternal"

Hi There!

I picked this book up on the recommendation of a teacher who thought that I might enjoy the unique form. As a history buff with a personal, family connection to the tragic events that took place in the 1940's before and beyond, I am equally drawn to and extremely weary of texts on the subject. Becoming depressed or overly-existential is not uncommon for me when I am faced with these recounts. 

The narrative is told from the perspective of Mark Baker a Jewish boy from Melbourne who is delving into his parents past and through historical records, video recordings encapsulating fragments of memory and secondary accounts, aiming to fill gaps in memory of his mother, father and the atrocities they encountered. 

I firstly can commend the synthesis of textual forms in the novel. Almost as a non-fiction novel with a wig and hat on, pretending to be prose fiction. I can appreciate the literary blend, but at times found it difficult to be engaged with the non-fiction side, as I didn't particularly expect to be interpreting Polish records. 

Equally, I enjoyed the direct dialogue from the perspective of the parents. Maybe the easiest part of the book to read. But with little character development, never REALLY seeing into the current lives of the characters, that reader to character bond never really was formed. I did not feel attached to these characters regardless of what I read about their past. Whether or not they were MEANT to be adored, I am unsure. At times the fragmented form was less mysterious and more confusing. 

In short. I would not recommend this book to someone looking for a light read. Rather someone who is looking to endure a labour of love for Jewish history and Australian fiction. I'm glad I got through it, but i will NOT be doing it again

Remember... think colossally and let your brain wonder among the stars
All the love x